There are many stages of divorcing. Divorce is a process regardless of the type of approach to your divorce that you choose. At Weber Dispute Resolution, we want to give you some help in understanding what to expect in the stages of divorcing because we know that the future can seem uncertain and even a little scary. At Weber Dispute Resolution, we believe there are many valid viewpoints, so we particularly encourage you to read up on the various sources on this topic.
The Stages of Divorcing
There is a lot of research out there from many different psychological experts on the stages of divorce. Here is one example about The Stages of Divorce co-authored by Dr. Tom Merrill, ABPP and Geoff Hamilton, Esq. in Hawaii.
Deliberation Phase
This is the period of time between when the thought of divorce bubbles to the surface and the time when the couple finally carries the divorce out. Often, the genesis of this stage is some stressful circumstance for one or both parties, such as a loss of a good employment, health issues or money problems. The more stressful things are, the more likely the marriage will suffer. People who are in the midst of the deliberation phase rarely understand what is happening to them
Decision Phase
Communicating the intent to divorce ends the deliberation phase. Often, there is a brief, but intense decision-making phase where a partner seriously communicates the intent to divorce, but the outcome remains in doubt. Such communication frequently opens Pandora’s Box. Family members and friends involve themselves and offer unsolicited advice, opinions and their own “spin” on what could or should happen in the divorce. (It’s the classic “I told you so!”)
Transition Phase (“Crazy Time”)
This is a period fraught with the potential for a wide range of “crazy” behavior. It will likely be a time of nuttiness as one or both partners face, head-on, with the need to let go. While the partners may have physically separated at the end of the previous stage, this period requires emotional or psychological separation
Legal Process Phase
Although legal action is not an emotional stage, people superimpose it on the emotional process of divorce. Duration primarily defines this phase as a function of the legal process in your state. Generally, the process takes a little more than one year if the couple fully contests the divorce in court. In contrast, the process is considerably shorter if the parties reach an amicable agreement. Once the legal process earnestly begins, the couple begins redefining the roles of each partner. As such, it can be either a period of tremendous growth or stagnation and despair, or, it can be both, to varying degrees.
Healing Phase
As ex-partners, a commitment to the future and the promise of a new life marks this phase. Individual development of the Self in the absence of the other partner sets this period apart. In other words, a period of where you “move” on. The couple deals with and handles those hot spots that previously led to irrational and destructive behavior. The couple achieves a new scope of stability, which often continues.
It’s important to remain flexible and adaptable during any type of family law matter. That’s because there are many variables (e.g., court schedules, legal process timelines, human emotions, etc.) that will undoubtedly throw a monkey wrench in your idea of how a divorce should go.
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