by Shawn Weber, JD, CLS-F* | Feb 28, 2024 | Uncategorized
Attorneys Play a Critical Role
In the realm of divorce proceedings, the involvement of attorneys plays a critical role in ensuring fair mediation and equitable outcomes for all parties involved. In our latest podcast episode, we delve into the nuanced world of divorce mediation and the indispensable role attorneys play in facilitating this process. Join us as we uncover the complexities, challenges, and pivotal moments of mediation guided by legal expertise.
Understanding Divorce Mediation
Divorce mediation serves as an alternative dispute resolution process, offering couples a collaborative and less adversarial approach to ending their marriage. Unlike traditional litigation, mediation encourages open communication and negotiation with the aim of reaching mutually agreeable solutions on key issues such as asset division, child custody, and alimony.
The Attorney’s Perspective
Attorneys serve as invaluable guides throughout the mediation journey, providing essential legal counsel and representation to their clients. In our conversation, we explored the multifaceted roles attorneys assume during mediation, including:
Legal Advocacy
Lawyers advocate for their clients’ interests, ensuring that their rights are protected and that any agreements reached are legally sound and enforceable.
Strategic Counsel:
With their expertise in family law, attorneys offer strategic advice on navigating complex legal frameworks and making informed decisions that align with their clients’ long-term objectives.
Emotional Support:
Beyond legal matters, attorneys also provide emotional support and guidance, helping clients navigate the emotional challenges inherent in divorce proceedings.
Key Takeaways from the Podcast
During our insightful discussion with legal experts, several key takeaways emerged:
Empowerment Through Knowledge:
Understanding the legal aspects of divorce mediation empowers individuals to actively participate in the process and make informed decisions that shape their future.
The Importance of Communication:
Effective communication between all parties, including attorneys, mediators, and clients, is essential for fostering cooperation and achieving mutually beneficial outcomes.
Tailored Solutions:
Every divorce is unique, and attorneys play a crucial role in crafting personalized solutions that address the specific needs and circumstances of their clients.
Attorneys Empower Clients During the Divorce Mediation Process
As our podcast episode highlighted, attorneys are indispensable allies in the divorce mediation process, offering expertise, guidance, and support every step of the way. By leveraging their legal knowledge and advocacy skills, attorneys empower individuals to navigate the complexities of divorce with confidence and clarity. Whether it’s safeguarding legal rights, providing strategic counsel, or offering emotional support, attorneys play a critical role in facilitating constructive dialogue and fostering positive outcomes in divorce mediation.
by Shawn Weber, JD, CLS-F* | Dec 21, 2023 | Uncategorized
As a certified family law specialist (CLS-F)[i], I have been involved in divorce mediation and alternate dispute resolution (ADR) for more than 15 years. I regularly serve as a pro tem settlement judge on the Mandatory Settlement Conference (MSC) Panel with the San Diego County Superior Court. While I enjoy helping folks through their MSCs, the help is simply too little too late for many people. Often preparation for the MSC is nearly as stressful and costly as preparing for the trial. In addition, lawyers need to certify that discovery is complete and prepare elaborate briefs. Waiting until the very end of a case to attempt mediation does the parties and the professionals a great disservice. I see this in the pained and stressed-out expressions on parties and counsel at the MSCs I facilitate.
There are many options at the beginning of the case to settle issues, manage discovery concerns and resolve unnecessary conflict. Even (and especially) high conflict cases can benefit from earlier intervention with a mediator to short circuit the conflict. Attorneys benefit from early mediation because it helps them settle the cases that can settle. That frees them up to focus on trials for cases that won’t settle.
Here are some ideas for how you can engage the ADR services of a mediator early in your family law case:
Meet and Confer on Steroids.
Every family law attorney is aware of the requirement for the “meet and confer” conference. Too often it’s simply given lip service by a short phone call to opposing counsel without discussing the issues. Because lawyers sometimes give less attention to what needs to happen to settle, the case stalls. Why not have a facilitated meet and confer settlement conference to identify the issues and formulate a plan for a swift conclusion?
Discovery Management.
Often the most expensive part of a case is the discovery, which involves elaborate and arcane procedures to gather as much evidence as possible. Sometimes this is whether the case needs the information or not. The adversarial process spurs less and not more cooperation in discovery. This can lead to months or even years of discovery wars. Why not use a mediator to help “referee” the discovery? Most discovery can be provided informally with much less cost. A mediator can help facilitate the discovery process to specifically target discovery needs and conclude the case with much less rancor and headache for the lawyers and cost to the parties.
Managing the High Conflict Case.
There is a common misconception that people cannot mediate high conflict cases. That’s simply not true. Most high conflict behavior in divorce cases is based on fear and hurt. So, engaging a good mediator early in the process reduces conflict by managing the fight-or-flight response. Court tends to exacerbate and actually encourage high conflict pathologies. Rather than encouraging discord with a fight at court, consider short-circuiting conflict with a mediator experienced in high conflict. Consequently, if parties learn early how to interact productively, it makes the rest of the case go more smoothly.
Use Early Mediation to Resolve Interim Issues.
The terribly backlogged Family Courts sometimes take months to hear even the most routine (and sometimes pressing) interim motions. I can usually help as a mediator to resolve interim questions like support and custody in a fraction of the time and cost compared to filing a Request for Order. Because a mediated settlement conference efficiently resolves interim issues, the parties can relax a little more and focus on concluding the case rather than reacting to interim problems.
Consider a Court-Ordered Family Resolution Plan and Use of ADR Pursuant to Family Code Section 2451.
One little-known provision of the Family Code involves the use of Alternate Dispute Resolution (ADR) as part of a court-ordered family centered case resolution plan as described in Family Code section 2451. California Rule of Court 5.83 describes how the plan can be implemented. Parties can appoint a case manager as part of the plan and can also apply Code of Civil Procedure section 639 to appoint the case manager as a discovery referee. Further, Family Code section 2451(a)(3) gives protection to attorneys who follow any discovery plans adopted as part of a court-ordered family resolution plan as follows:
“Limitations on discovery, including temporary suspension pending exploration of settlement. There is a rebuttable presumption that an attorney who carries out discovery as provided in a family centered case resolution plan has fulfilled his or her duty of care to the client as to the existence of community property.”
I have used this procedure to great effect. It can do a lot to reduce costs and keep the case moving quickly towards settlement.
Let Us Move Your Case Past Stuck.
Because there are many ADR options beyond an end-of-case settlement conference where a mediator can make a huge difference, the key is to start early. At Weber Dispute Resolution, we have the training, skills, and experience to get your family law case past stuck. That’s because our approach serves to support existing relationships with legal counsel and will not waste family wealth by exacerbating family conflict. Experience first-hand the difference a dolphin lawyer can make.
[i] Certified Specialist – Family Law, The State Bar of California Board of Legal Specialization.
by Shawn Weber, JD, CLS-F* | Dec 21, 2023 | Uncategorized
As a certified family law specialist (CLS-F)[i], I have been involved in divorce mediation and alternate dispute resolution (ADR) for more than 15 years. I regularly serve as a pro tem settlement judge on the Mandatory Settlement Conference (MSC) Panel with the San Diego County Superior Court. While I enjoy helping folks through their MSCs, the help is simply too little too late for many people. Often preparation for the MSC is nearly as stressful and costly as preparing for the trial. In addition, lawyers need to certify that discovery is complete and prepare elaborate briefs. Waiting until the very end of a case to attempt mediation does the parties and the professionals a great disservice. I see this in the pained and stressed-out expressions on parties and counsel at the MSCs I facilitate.
There are many options at the beginning of the case to settle issues, manage discovery concerns and resolve unnecessary conflict. Even (and especially) high conflict cases can benefit from earlier intervention with a mediator to short circuit the conflict. Attorneys benefit from early mediation because it helps them settle the cases that can settle. That frees them up to focus on trials for cases that won’t settle.
Here are some ideas for how you can engage the ADR services of a mediator early in your family law case:
Meet and Confer on Steroids.
Every family law attorney is aware of the requirement for the “meet and confer” conference. Too often it’s simply given lip service by a short phone call to opposing counsel without discussing the issues. Because lawyers sometimes give less attention to what needs to happen to settle, the case stalls. Why not have a facilitated meet and confer settlement conference to identify the issues and formulate a plan for a swift conclusion?
Discovery Management.
Often the most expensive part of a case is the discovery, which involves elaborate and arcane procedures to gather as much evidence as possible. Sometimes this is whether the case needs the information or not. The adversarial process spurs less and not more cooperation in discovery. This can lead to months or even years of discovery wars. Why not use a mediator to help “referee” the discovery? Most discovery can be provided informally with much less cost. A mediator can help facilitate the discovery process to specifically target discovery needs and conclude the case with much less rancor and headache for the lawyers and cost to the parties.
Managing the High Conflict Case.
There is a common misconception that people cannot mediate high conflict cases. That’s simply not true. Most high conflict behavior in divorce cases is based on fear and hurt. So, engaging a good mediator early in the process reduces conflict by managing the fight-or-flight response. Court tends to exacerbate and actually encourage high conflict pathologies. Rather than encouraging discord with a fight at court, consider short-circuiting conflict with a mediator experienced in high conflict. Consequently, if parties learn early how to interact productively, it makes the rest of the case go more smoothly.
Use Early Mediation to Resolve Interim Issues.
The terribly backlogged Family Courts sometimes take months to hear even the most routine (and sometimes pressing) interim motions. I can usually help as a mediator to resolve interim questions like support and custody in a fraction of the time and cost compared to filing a Request for Order. Because a mediated settlement conference efficiently resolves interim issues, the parties can relax a little more and focus on concluding the case rather than reacting to interim problems.
Consider a Court-Ordered Family Resolution Plan and Use of ADR Pursuant to Family Code Section 2451.
One little-known provision of the Family Code involves the use of Alternate Dispute Resolution (ADR) as part of a court-ordered family centered case resolution plan as described in Family Code section 2451. California Rule of Court 5.83 describes how the plan can be implemented. Parties can appoint a case manager as part of the plan and can also apply Code of Civil Procedure section 639 to appoint the case manager as a discovery referee. Further, Family Code section 2451(a)(3) gives protection to attorneys who follow any discovery plans adopted as part of a court-ordered family resolution plan as follows:
“Limitations on discovery, including temporary suspension pending exploration of settlement. There is a rebuttable presumption that an attorney who carries out discovery as provided in a family centered case resolution plan has fulfilled his or her duty of care to the client as to the existence of community property.”
I have used this procedure to great effect. It can do a lot to reduce costs and keep the case moving quickly towards settlement.
Let Us Move Your Case Past Stuck.
Because there are many ADR options beyond an end-of-case settlement conference where a mediator can make a huge difference, the key is to start early. At Weber Dispute Resolution, we have the training, skills, and experience to get your family law case past stuck. That’s because our approach serves to support existing relationships with legal counsel and will not waste family wealth by exacerbating family conflict. Experience first-hand the difference a dolphin lawyer can make.
[i] Certified Specialist – Family Law, The State Bar of California Board of Legal Specialization.
by Shawn Weber, JD, CLS-F* | Dec 20, 2023 | Uncategorized
Alas! A New Year has come and gone again. For most of my current clients, 2023 was a rough year. It brought them the end of their marriages. Although the year may have been filled with conflict with a former spouse over money, kids, etc., you are ready to move on. Perhaps there were tears shed. Maybe dreams were shattered. Sound depressing? It can be. But 2023 is over, so there is an opportunity to build a new experience for the New Year post divorce.
Here are my suggestions for some words to consider when making your resolutions for the New Year post divorce. This is in no way a comprehensive list. It’s just some of my own thoughts. Perhaps you have your own resolution ideas that you would like to share. Here are mine:
Peace in the New Year After Divorce.
You got a divorce for a reason, right? I’m sure things weren’t all butterflies and rainbows. But now you are divorced. So take the opportunity to stop the fighting and discontinue the war with your ex. If there is a legitimate legal concern that needs addressing, use mediation or Collaborative Practice instead of adversarial litigation to resolve those differences. It’s a great opportunity to move on and find peace in the New Year post divorce. A meditation or mindfulness practice can go a long way towards achieving some peace.
Co-Parenting in the New Year After Divorce.
Before your divorce, parenting may have been easier. Post-divorce, you still have to interact with the person you divorced to raise your kids. Your kids need you to get along. There is a lot of evidence that continued parental conflict after the divorce is very harmful to children. Resolve now to be the best co-parent you can be in the New Year post divorce. Look for ways to be cooperative (even when the other parent doesn’t). If you haven’t always been a leader in the child rearing arena, now is the time to step up to the plate and make a helpful contribution. Be the grown up here and your kids will thank you.
Self-reliance in the New Year After Divorce.
Now that you are on your own, you don’t have the other person there to rely on. This is a great opportunity to stand on your own two feet with your head held high. Be your own person. Be strong. Be self-assured. Be independent.
If you are receiving alimony, look for ways to be self-supporting so that you don’t need support anymore. Meet with a vocational counselor to make new career goals. Enroll in school or get trained, or retrained, in a field that you can be passionate about.
Plan for your future financial well-being. So, meet with a financial advisor to make sure you are using your money wisely. Come up with a five year or ten-year plan. Then, check in with an estate planning attorney to make sure you have updated your will and estate plan, as you’ll want to make sure that anything you name in this document goes to the trustee of your choice.
Health in the New Year After Divorce.
Perhaps during 2023 you let the stress of the divorce affect your health. Maybe you didn’t eat well. Perhaps you stopped going to the gym. Or maybe you weren’t sleeping well. Perhaps you were depressed or angry causing your emotional well-being to suffer. Resolve now to restore your health in the New Year post divorce.
Take the time to eat well and exercise. Get good sleep. What’s more, get your annual physical from your doctor and make a plan for your physical health. Take care of your body and it will take care of you.
But don’t forget your emotional health either. Divorce can be such a toxic and painful experience. If you are struggling, meet with a therapist and work through the changes in your life resulting from your divorce. Before you date, make sure that you work though any lingering issues you may have so that you can be your best self before you involve another person in your life. I have noticed a clear correlation in my clients who sought post-divorce therapy and their level of happiness years later.
Forgiveness in the New Year After Divorce.
I know that “forgiveness” is a loaded word. It’s easier said then done. You may feel hurt or anger toward your former spouse. As mentioned before, you’ve lived through the whole process of finding a family lawyer, dealing with the stress of separation, and still taking care of the kids. You chose to divorce for a reason. And yes, consequently, you are divorced now. It’s time to let it go. The past is in the past.
Now keep in mind, I am not suggesting you allow more abuse if that is what happened before. Keep in place whatever safety measure you have to prevent others from hurting you again. I am just suggesting it is time to move on from there. Anger and hurt can be very damaging emotions. Do what you can this year to forgive so that you can leave those terrible feelings behind you. If you find you can’t do it alone (and most can’t) talk to someone. Turn to a spiritual advisor or a mentor to help you leave the past in the past.
Don’t forget to forgive yourself. Guilt has it’s place, but it can eat you up if you can’t get past it. Perhaps you have serious regrets about how your marriage ended. Rather than let the guilt consume you, find a way to learn from the experience, forgive everyone involved and move on.
You have read my list of New Year’s Resolution words for the newly divorced. What are some of your words? I would love to read them!
Related links:
10 Essential New Year’s Resolutions for Your Divorce
12 New Year’s Resolutions for Divorced Moms
Top 10 Difficult New Year’s Resolutions for Divorced Parents
N
More Reading:
Forgiveness During Divorce: A Key to Finding Peace
Divorce Custom: 7 Post-Split Rituals from Around the World
ew Year’s resolutions, new year post divorce, new year’s divorce, san diego divorce attorney
by Shawn Weber, JD, CLS-F* | Dec 20, 2023 | Uncategorized
Alas! A New Year has come and gone again. For most of my current clients, 2023 was a rough year. It brought them the end of their marriages. Although the year may have been filled with conflict with a former spouse over money, kids, etc., you are ready to move on. Perhaps there were tears shed. Maybe dreams were shattered. Sound depressing? It can be. But 2023 is over, so there is an opportunity to build a new experience for the New Year post divorce.
Here are my suggestions for some words to consider when making your resolutions for the New Year post divorce. This is in no way a comprehensive list. It’s just some of my own thoughts. Perhaps you have your own resolution ideas that you would like to share. Here are mine:
Peace in the New Year After Divorce.
You got a divorce for a reason, right? I’m sure things weren’t all butterflies and rainbows. But now you are divorced. So take the opportunity to stop the fighting and discontinue the war with your ex. If there is a legitimate legal concern that needs addressing, use mediation or Collaborative Practice instead of adversarial litigation to resolve those differences. It’s a great opportunity to move on and find peace in the New Year post divorce. A meditation or mindfulness practice can go a long way towards achieving some peace.
Co-Parenting in the New Year After Divorce.
Before your divorce, parenting may have been easier. Post-divorce, you still have to interact with the person you divorced to raise your kids. Your kids need you to get along. There is a lot of evidence that continued parental conflict after the divorce is very harmful to children. Resolve now to be the best co-parent you can be in the New Year post divorce. Look for ways to be cooperative (even when the other parent doesn’t). If you haven’t always been a leader in the child rearing arena, now is the time to step up to the plate and make a helpful contribution. Be the grown up here and your kids will thank you.
Self-reliance in the New Year After Divorce.
Now that you are on your own, you don’t have the other person there to rely on. This is a great opportunity to stand on your own two feet with your head held high. Be your own person. Be strong. Be self-assured. Be independent.
If you are receiving alimony, look for ways to be self-supporting so that you don’t need support anymore. Meet with a vocational counselor to make new career goals. Enroll in school or get trained, or retrained, in a field that you can be passionate about.
Plan for your future financial well-being. So, meet with a financial advisor to make sure you are using your money wisely. Come up with a five year or ten-year plan. Then, check in with an estate planning attorney to make sure you have updated your will and estate plan, as you’ll want to make sure that anything you name in this document goes to the trustee of your choice.
Health in the New Year After Divorce.
Perhaps during 2023 you let the stress of the divorce affect your health. Maybe you didn’t eat well. Perhaps you stopped going to the gym. Or maybe you weren’t sleeping well. Perhaps you were depressed or angry causing your emotional well-being to suffer. Resolve now to restore your health in the New Year post divorce.
Take the time to eat well and exercise. Get good sleep. What’s more, get your annual physical from your doctor and make a plan for your physical health. Take care of your body and it will take care of you.
But don’t forget your emotional health either. Divorce can be such a toxic and painful experience. If you are struggling, meet with a therapist and work through the changes in your life resulting from your divorce. Before you date, make sure that you work though any lingering issues you may have so that you can be your best self before you involve another person in your life. I have noticed a clear correlation in my clients who sought post-divorce therapy and their level of happiness years later.
Forgiveness in the New Year After Divorce.
I know that “forgiveness” is a loaded word. It’s easier said then done. You may feel hurt or anger toward your former spouse. As mentioned before, you’ve lived through the whole process of finding a family lawyer, dealing with the stress of separation, and still taking care of the kids. You chose to divorce for a reason. And yes, consequently, you are divorced now. It’s time to let it go. The past is in the past.
Now keep in mind, I am not suggesting you allow more abuse if that is what happened before. Keep in place whatever safety measure you have to prevent others from hurting you again. I am just suggesting it is time to move on from there. Anger and hurt can be very damaging emotions. Do what you can this year to forgive so that you can leave those terrible feelings behind you. If you find you can’t do it alone (and most can’t) talk to someone. Turn to a spiritual advisor or a mentor to help you leave the past in the past.
Don’t forget to forgive yourself. Guilt has it’s place, but it can eat you up if you can’t get past it. Perhaps you have serious regrets about how your marriage ended. Rather than let the guilt consume you, find a way to learn from the experience, forgive everyone involved and move on.
You have read my list of New Year’s Resolution words for the newly divorced. What are some of your words? I would love to read them!
Related links:
10 Essential New Year’s Resolutions for Your Divorce
12 New Year’s Resolutions for Divorced Moms
Top 10 Difficult New Year’s Resolutions for Divorced Parents
N
More Reading:
Forgiveness During Divorce: A Key to Finding Peace
Divorce Custom: 7 Post-Split Rituals from Around the World
ew Year’s resolutions, new year post divorce, new year’s divorce, san diego divorce attorney
