by Shawn Weber | Oct 30, 2025 | Family & Divorce Mediation
Co-parenting on Halloween can be tricky – or it can be a treat. It depends on you!
Halloween has a way of sneaking up on even the most organized separated parents. Judges don’t usually mention it in custody orders, probably because it doesn’t come with a day off work. But let’s get real: for kids, Halloween is the Super Bowl of childhood (well, or at least the World Series). They plan plays, scout candy routes, and train their sweet tooth all month. The last thing they need is for their parents to turn their night of magic into a showdown. Give them the gift of laughter, not drama.
So, how do you keep the co-parenting on Halloween about the kids and not about your latest argument? Here are a few tricks (and treats) to keep things fun and focused on your children:
First, put Halloween in your parenting plan.
Yes, actually write it down. Decide ahead of time who gets trick-or-treating this year, or who goes to the school parade. Don’t wait until October 30th to start the debate. Clear plans mean fewer last-minute meltdowns—for everyone.
Consider doing Halloween together.
If you and your ex can handle being in the same place without the drama, great. Kids light up when both parents show up and keep things friendly. You do not have to match costumes or fake a friendship. Just keep it polite and easy. But if you know the night will turn into a horror show, skip it. Give everyone a break and keep the peace.
Let your kids have their night.
Don’t make Halloween memorable for all the wrong reasons. This isn’t the time to air your grievances or compete for Best Parent. Focus on their fun, not your own feelings.
Control the grandparents and extended family.
Sometimes, the real monsters on the scene can be the extended family. Perhaps they don’t quite understand what this co-parenting scene is all about, and they are tempted to engage in conflict. Stop them! Don’t let them badmouth the other parent or start a fight. Tell them to behave themselves and follow the getting-along program before the evening even starts.
Costume drama should be left to the theater, not your living room.
Don’t turn your child’s costume choice into a tug-of-war. Talk it out ahead of time and let your kid pick what makes them happy. Remember, the goal is giggles, not power plays.
Share the Halloween joy when you can.
If it’s your night, maybe swing by the other parent’s place so the kids can show off their costumes. It’s a small gesture, but it tells your kids both parents are in their corner. If it’s not your night, don’t crash the party. Respect the boundaries and find another time to celebrate.
Co-parenting on Halloween can be sweet, like candy, or a nightmare, like a scary movie.
It all depends on whether the adults can keep it together. Give your kids a night that’s about them, not about your old arguments. Show them how grownups are supposed to behave. Halloween should be about candy and giggles, not conflict. Years from now, your kids won’t remember who bought the best costume or who had the last word. But they will remember feeling safe and loved. That’s the real treat.
by Shawn Weber, JD, CLS-F | Dec 20, 2023 | Uncategorized
Alas! A New Year has come and gone again. For most of my current clients, 2023 was a rough year. It brought them the end of their marriages. Although the year may have been filled with conflict with a former spouse over money, kids, etc., you are ready to move on. Perhaps there were tears shed. Maybe dreams were shattered. Sound depressing? It can be. But 2023 is over, so there is an opportunity to build a new experience for the New Year post divorce.
Here are my suggestions for some words to consider when making your resolutions for the New Year post divorce. This is in no way a comprehensive list. It’s just some of my own thoughts. Perhaps you have your own resolution ideas that you would like to share. Here are mine:
Peace in the New Year After Divorce.
You got a divorce for a reason, right? I’m sure things weren’t all butterflies and rainbows. But now you are divorced. So take the opportunity to stop the fighting and discontinue the war with your ex. If there is a legitimate legal concern that needs addressing, use mediation or Collaborative Practice instead of adversarial litigation to resolve those differences. It’s a great opportunity to move on and find peace in the New Year post divorce. A meditation or mindfulness practice can go a long way towards achieving some peace.
Co-Parenting in the New Year After Divorce.
Before your divorce, parenting may have been easier. Post-divorce, you still have to interact with the person you divorced to raise your kids. Your kids need you to get along. There is a lot of evidence that continued parental conflict after the divorce is very harmful to children. Resolve now to be the best co-parent you can be in the New Year post divorce. Look for ways to be cooperative (even when the other parent doesn’t). If you haven’t always been a leader in the child rearing arena, now is the time to step up to the plate and make a helpful contribution. Be the grown up here and your kids will thank you.
Self-reliance in the New Year After Divorce.
Now that you are on your own, you don’t have the other person there to rely on. This is a great opportunity to stand on your own two feet with your head held high. Be your own person. Be strong. Be self-assured. Be independent.
If you are receiving alimony, look for ways to be self-supporting so that you don’t need support anymore. Meet with a vocational counselor to make new career goals. Enroll in school or get trained, or retrained, in a field that you can be passionate about.
Plan for your future financial well-being. So, meet with a financial advisor to make sure you are using your money wisely. Come up with a five year or ten-year plan. Then, check in with an estate planning attorney to make sure you have updated your will and estate plan, as you’ll want to make sure that anything you name in this document goes to the trustee of your choice.
Health in the New Year After Divorce.
Perhaps during 2023 you let the stress of the divorce affect your health. Maybe you didn’t eat well. Perhaps you stopped going to the gym. Or maybe you weren’t sleeping well. Perhaps you were depressed or angry causing your emotional well-being to suffer. Resolve now to restore your health in the New Year post divorce.
Take the time to eat well and exercise. Get good sleep. What’s more, get your annual physical from your doctor and make a plan for your physical health. Take care of your body and it will take care of you.
But don’t forget your emotional health either. Divorce can be such a toxic and painful experience. If you are struggling, meet with a therapist and work through the changes in your life resulting from your divorce. Before you date, make sure that you work though any lingering issues you may have so that you can be your best self before you involve another person in your life. I have noticed a clear correlation in my clients who sought post-divorce therapy and their level of happiness years later.
Forgiveness in the New Year After Divorce.
I know that “forgiveness” is a loaded word. It’s easier said then done. You may feel hurt or anger toward your former spouse. As mentioned before, you’ve lived through the whole process of finding a family lawyer, dealing with the stress of separation, and still taking care of the kids. You chose to divorce for a reason. And yes, consequently, you are divorced now. It’s time to let it go. The past is in the past.
Now keep in mind, I am not suggesting you allow more abuse if that is what happened before. Keep in place whatever safety measure you have to prevent others from hurting you again. I am just suggesting it is time to move on from there. Anger and hurt can be very damaging emotions. Do what you can this year to forgive so that you can leave those terrible feelings behind you. If you find you can’t do it alone (and most can’t) talk to someone. Turn to a spiritual advisor or a mentor to help you leave the past in the past.
Don’t forget to forgive yourself. Guilt has it’s place, but it can eat you up if you can’t get past it. Perhaps you have serious regrets about how your marriage ended. Rather than let the guilt consume you, find a way to learn from the experience, forgive everyone involved and move on.
You have read my list of New Year’s Resolution words for the newly divorced. What are some of your words? I would love to read them!
Related links:
10 Essential New Year’s Resolutions for Your Divorce
12 New Year’s Resolutions for Divorced Moms
Top 10 Difficult New Year’s Resolutions for Divorced Parents
N
More Reading:
Forgiveness During Divorce: A Key to Finding Peace
Divorce Custom: 7 Post-Split Rituals from Around the World
ew Year’s resolutions, new year post divorce, new year’s divorce, san diego divorce attorney
by Shawn Weber, JD, CLS-F | Dec 20, 2023 | Uncategorized
Alas! A New Year has come and gone again. For most of my current clients, 2023 was a rough year. It brought them the end of their marriages. Although the year may have been filled with conflict with a former spouse over money, kids, etc., you are ready to move on. Perhaps there were tears shed. Maybe dreams were shattered. Sound depressing? It can be. But 2023 is over, so there is an opportunity to build a new experience for the New Year post divorce.
Here are my suggestions for some words to consider when making your resolutions for the New Year post divorce. This is in no way a comprehensive list. It’s just some of my own thoughts. Perhaps you have your own resolution ideas that you would like to share. Here are mine:
Peace in the New Year After Divorce.
You got a divorce for a reason, right? I’m sure things weren’t all butterflies and rainbows. But now you are divorced. So take the opportunity to stop the fighting and discontinue the war with your ex. If there is a legitimate legal concern that needs addressing, use mediation or Collaborative Practice instead of adversarial litigation to resolve those differences. It’s a great opportunity to move on and find peace in the New Year post divorce. A meditation or mindfulness practice can go a long way towards achieving some peace.
Co-Parenting in the New Year After Divorce.
Before your divorce, parenting may have been easier. Post-divorce, you still have to interact with the person you divorced to raise your kids. Your kids need you to get along. There is a lot of evidence that continued parental conflict after the divorce is very harmful to children. Resolve now to be the best co-parent you can be in the New Year post divorce. Look for ways to be cooperative (even when the other parent doesn’t). If you haven’t always been a leader in the child rearing arena, now is the time to step up to the plate and make a helpful contribution. Be the grown up here and your kids will thank you.
Self-reliance in the New Year After Divorce.
Now that you are on your own, you don’t have the other person there to rely on. This is a great opportunity to stand on your own two feet with your head held high. Be your own person. Be strong. Be self-assured. Be independent.
If you are receiving alimony, look for ways to be self-supporting so that you don’t need support anymore. Meet with a vocational counselor to make new career goals. Enroll in school or get trained, or retrained, in a field that you can be passionate about.
Plan for your future financial well-being. So, meet with a financial advisor to make sure you are using your money wisely. Come up with a five year or ten-year plan. Then, check in with an estate planning attorney to make sure you have updated your will and estate plan, as you’ll want to make sure that anything you name in this document goes to the trustee of your choice.
Health in the New Year After Divorce.
Perhaps during 2023 you let the stress of the divorce affect your health. Maybe you didn’t eat well. Perhaps you stopped going to the gym. Or maybe you weren’t sleeping well. Perhaps you were depressed or angry causing your emotional well-being to suffer. Resolve now to restore your health in the New Year post divorce.
Take the time to eat well and exercise. Get good sleep. What’s more, get your annual physical from your doctor and make a plan for your physical health. Take care of your body and it will take care of you.
But don’t forget your emotional health either. Divorce can be such a toxic and painful experience. If you are struggling, meet with a therapist and work through the changes in your life resulting from your divorce. Before you date, make sure that you work though any lingering issues you may have so that you can be your best self before you involve another person in your life. I have noticed a clear correlation in my clients who sought post-divorce therapy and their level of happiness years later.
Forgiveness in the New Year After Divorce.
I know that “forgiveness” is a loaded word. It’s easier said then done. You may feel hurt or anger toward your former spouse. As mentioned before, you’ve lived through the whole process of finding a family lawyer, dealing with the stress of separation, and still taking care of the kids. You chose to divorce for a reason. And yes, consequently, you are divorced now. It’s time to let it go. The past is in the past.
Now keep in mind, I am not suggesting you allow more abuse if that is what happened before. Keep in place whatever safety measure you have to prevent others from hurting you again. I am just suggesting it is time to move on from there. Anger and hurt can be very damaging emotions. Do what you can this year to forgive so that you can leave those terrible feelings behind you. If you find you can’t do it alone (and most can’t) talk to someone. Turn to a spiritual advisor or a mentor to help you leave the past in the past.
Don’t forget to forgive yourself. Guilt has it’s place, but it can eat you up if you can’t get past it. Perhaps you have serious regrets about how your marriage ended. Rather than let the guilt consume you, find a way to learn from the experience, forgive everyone involved and move on.
You have read my list of New Year’s Resolution words for the newly divorced. What are some of your words? I would love to read them!
Related links:
10 Essential New Year’s Resolutions for Your Divorce
12 New Year’s Resolutions for Divorced Moms
Top 10 Difficult New Year’s Resolutions for Divorced Parents
N
More Reading:
Forgiveness During Divorce: A Key to Finding Peace
Divorce Custom: 7 Post-Split Rituals from Around the World
ew Year’s resolutions, new year post divorce, new year’s divorce, san diego divorce attorney
by Shawn Weber, JD, CLS-F | Aug 8, 2019 | Uncategorized
Can you believe it’s back to school time already? Divorced parents need to make some specific preparations for a successful school year. Photo Wokandpix/Creative Commons License
Can you believe it’s already time for 60 million American kids to go back to school? Didn’t we just start summer?
Mixed feelings are natural at this time of year for everyone. Kids are sad about summer being over so quickly. But they are likely to be excited and happy to see friends and get involved in favorite activities like athletics, music, or robotics.
But if you are a divorced parent navigating co-parenting, back to school is a little more complicated. Who pays for what? What activities will the child get to be involved in? Who does the school call if there is a problem? Who gets to chaperone the field trip? What school will your child will attend, near Dad’s house or Mom’s house?
The phone starts ringing at Weber Dispute Resolution at this time of year. Parents having trouble solving these issues come to us for help mediating their conflicts. We are glad they do, instead of taking their problems to court. If you need the same help for yourself or your clients, we hope to hear from you.
We offer these tips to help you start working through problems and considering your options.
Get on the same page about routines.
Get on the same page about school routines. Photo: Luci/Creative Commons License
Don’t make school any more complicated than necessary. Kids do better if you and your co-parent agree on routines, and so will you. Meet before school starts without the kids in a neutral location to discuss the routine details first. Some areas for discussion:
- Emergency contacts and emergency procedures
- Instructions about academics and schoolwork
- Disciplinary issues
- Transportation and pick-up
- After-school activities
Once you agree, write it all down and share the plan with your children.
Deal with school expenses up front.
Custodial parents usually find themselves paying up front for back-to-school wardrobes and school supplies and then ask for half of the expenses. But even when parents agree to split the cost, sometimes one parent has very different ideas about how much to spend on things like clothes. Set a budget up front you can both live with. Keep copies of the receipts so you have a record of what you’re owed.
Share school supplies information.
You may be the parent in charge of school shopping, but your ex might want to be involved. Let’s say your kid is in their last year of high school and wants to buy some gifts for their classmates to keep as memories of their time together. They might come to either of you to request the purchase. However, keeping the other one involved – whether you’re going to a store to buy keepsakes or heading online to Jostens or similar stores for the same – might be in your best interest so as to avoid any conflicts. If you do decide to go alone, make sure both of you have talked in advance about what Jim or Jane get to give their friends as a memorable keepsake. Purchases like this on a whim rarely end up without an argument and upset parents and kids.
Figure out what extra-curricular activities will be added – and paid for.
Are your kids into sports? Drama? Robotics? After school activities take time and money. Be sure you agree which parent is contributing both. Photo: KeithJJ/Creative Commons
Outside of the classroom, many kids want to participate in sports, music, drama, debate, student government, robotics or other science competitions. These activities can build valuable skills and develop passions your kids may follow into careers. But they also put a strain on your schedule and your budget. When time and money aren’t unlimited, you and your co-parent have to decide up front what’s realistic for your child and what’s not. Who is going to provide the transportation, and pay the fees?
Coordinate everyone’s calendars.
There are going to be lots of events when school starts: sports and music practices, meets, science fairs, concerts, etc. And you think your workday is busy! Coordinate the school calendar with your parenting schedule. You want to make sure your child is able to attend important events. Have calendars in each house, one in your child’s backpack and give one to teachers or coaches to show which parent he will be with.
Negotiate attendance at school events.
Agree in advance to be courteous to one another at school events so you can attend at the same time. You can suck it up for the hour it takes every few months. If this is really, truly not possible, arrange to attend on different nights or at different times.
Meet the new teacher.
Meet your child’s teacher and stay in communication. Photo: Kevin Lopez/Creative Commons License
Divorced or not, it is always good to meet with your child’s new teacher. Let her or him know your child comes from a divorced home or a shared custody home. Children of divorce and separation often act out at school, have emotional moments, or just a bad day. Your child’s teacher should know what’s going on. But keep teachers and school personnel out of any conflicts between you and your former spouse.
Share information about your child’s education and progress.
Don’t play games or create obstacles for the noncustodial parent to get information. Unless you have a protective order, give permission to the children’s teachers, counselors, and medical professionals to share school information with both parents.
Arrange for duplicate notifications.
Information should be shared with both parents. It can be useful to arrange for separate, duplicate notifications about academic progress and school activities so one parent is not responsible for copying and sending information to the other, including anything like schoolwork or forms your child brings home; Do NOT make your child the responsible party.
A written record can help keep legal issues straight and problems from escalating. If you have a contentious relationship with your co-parent, why fan the flames at all? Arrange up front for a neutral third party like a mediator to be the point of mutual contact between you to ensure civility and cooperation.
Remember who school is for. It’s not a battleground to establish who is the better parent.
Remember, school is for your kids – not a battleground for you and your ex. Photo: Ernesto Silva/Creative Commons License
It’s great for you to be involved with your children, but don’t get into a competition with your former spouse. Your child is still dealing with your divorce no matter how long ago it happened while juggling the demands of school. Let school be your kid’s refuge, a place for him or her to have fun, learn, achieve and excel, and forget about difficult family issues.
No matter what, you can’t go wrong making a decision if you stop and ask yourself this: what’s in the best interest of my child? You get an A-plus.
by Shawn Weber, JD, CLS-F | Aug 8, 2019 | Uncategorized
Can you believe it’s back to school time already? Divorced parents need to make some specific preparations for a successful school year. Photo Wokandpix/Creative Commons License
Can you believe it’s already time for 60 million American kids to go back to school? Didn’t we just start summer?
Mixed feelings are natural at this time of year for everyone. Kids are sad about summer being over so quickly. But they are likely to be excited and happy to see friends and get involved in favorite activities like athletics, music, or robotics.
But if you are a divorced parent navigating co-parenting, back to school is a little more complicated. Who pays for what? What activities will the child get to be involved in? Who does the school call if there is a problem? Who gets to chaperone the field trip? What school will your child will attend, near Dad’s house or Mom’s house?
The phone starts ringing at Weber Dispute Resolution at this time of year. Parents having trouble solving these issues come to us for help mediating their conflicts. We are glad they do, instead of taking their problems to court. If you need the same help for yourself or your clients, we hope to hear from you.
We offer these tips to help you start working through problems and considering your options.
Get on the same page about routines.
Get on the same page about school routines. Photo: Luci/Creative Commons License
Don’t make school any more complicated than necessary. Kids do better if you and your co-parent agree on routines, and so will you. Meet before school starts without the kids in a neutral location to discuss the routine details first. Some areas for discussion:
- Emergency contacts and emergency procedures
- Instructions about academics and schoolwork
- Disciplinary issues
- Transportation and pick-up
- After-school activities
Once you agree, write it all down and share the plan with your children.
Deal with school expenses up front.
Custodial parents usually find themselves paying up front for back-to-school wardrobes and school supplies and then ask for half of the expenses. But even when parents agree to split the cost, sometimes one parent has very different ideas about how much to spend on things like clothes. Set a budget up front you can both live with. Keep copies of the receipts so you have a record of what you’re owed.
Share school supplies information.
You may be the parent in charge of school shopping, but your ex might want to be involved. Let’s say your kid is in their last year of high school and wants to buy some gifts for their classmates to keep as memories of their time together. They might come to either of you to request the purchase. However, keeping the other one involved – whether you’re going to a store to buy keepsakes or heading online to Jostens or similar stores for the same – might be in your best interest so as to avoid any conflicts. If you do decide to go alone, make sure both of you have talked in advance about what Jim or Jane get to give their friends as a memorable keepsake. Purchases like this on a whim rarely end up without an argument and upset parents and kids.
Figure out what extra-curricular activities will be added – and paid for.
Are your kids into sports? Drama? Robotics? After school activities take time and money. Be sure you agree which parent is contributing both. Photo: KeithJJ/Creative Commons
Outside of the classroom, many kids want to participate in sports, music, drama, debate, student government, robotics or other science competitions. These activities can build valuable skills and develop passions your kids may follow into careers. But they also put a strain on your schedule and your budget. When time and money aren’t unlimited, you and your co-parent have to decide up front what’s realistic for your child and what’s not. Who is going to provide the transportation, and pay the fees?
Coordinate everyone’s calendars.
There are going to be lots of events when school starts: sports and music practices, meets, science fairs, concerts, etc. And you think your workday is busy! Coordinate the school calendar with your parenting schedule. You want to make sure your child is able to attend important events. Have calendars in each house, one in your child’s backpack and give one to teachers or coaches to show which parent he will be with.
Negotiate attendance at school events.
Agree in advance to be courteous to one another at school events so you can attend at the same time. You can suck it up for the hour it takes every few months. If this is really, truly not possible, arrange to attend on different nights or at different times.
Meet the new teacher.
Meet your child’s teacher and stay in communication. Photo: Kevin Lopez/Creative Commons License
Divorced or not, it is always good to meet with your child’s new teacher. Let her or him know your child comes from a divorced home or a shared custody home. Children of divorce and separation often act out at school, have emotional moments, or just a bad day. Your child’s teacher should know what’s going on. But keep teachers and school personnel out of any conflicts between you and your former spouse.
Share information about your child’s education and progress.
Don’t play games or create obstacles for the noncustodial parent to get information. Unless you have a protective order, give permission to the children’s teachers, counselors, and medical professionals to share school information with both parents.
Arrange for duplicate notifications.
Information should be shared with both parents. It can be useful to arrange for separate, duplicate notifications about academic progress and school activities so one parent is not responsible for copying and sending information to the other, including anything like schoolwork or forms your child brings home; Do NOT make your child the responsible party.
A written record can help keep legal issues straight and problems from escalating. If you have a contentious relationship with your co-parent, why fan the flames at all? Arrange up front for a neutral third party like a mediator to be the point of mutual contact between you to ensure civility and cooperation.
Remember who school is for. It’s not a battleground to establish who is the better parent.
Remember, school is for your kids – not a battleground for you and your ex. Photo: Ernesto Silva/Creative Commons License
It’s great for you to be involved with your children, but don’t get into a competition with your former spouse. Your child is still dealing with your divorce no matter how long ago it happened while juggling the demands of school. Let school be your kid’s refuge, a place for him or her to have fun, learn, achieve and excel, and forget about difficult family issues.
No matter what, you can’t go wrong making a decision if you stop and ask yourself this: what’s in the best interest of my child? You get an A-plus.
