Archive for custody

New Case – Watch out if asking question in a deposition about a custody evaluation

New Appellate Case: Anke v. Yeaker

There is a new appellate which came down from the Second Appellate District of the California Court of Appeal on February 4, 2019.  The case is Anka v. Yeager and can be found here https://law.justia.com/cases/california/court-of-appeal/2019/b281760.html.

You know it’s going to go badly for the attorney in the case when you read this in the opening paragraphs quoting the oath of admission required to practice law described in California Rules of Court, rule 9.7:

“These cautions are designed to remind counsel that when in the heat of a contentious trial, counsel’s zeal to protect and advance the interest of the client must be tempered by the professional and ethical constraints the legal profession demands. Unfortunately, that did not happen here.”  [Emphasis added.]

Yikes!

Sanctions for revealing the contents of a custody evaluation in deposition questions

In Anka v. Yeager, an attorney asked a question during a deposition as part of a child custody dispute about the contents of a custody evaluation.  The displeased trial court ordered $50,000 in sanctions against the attorney and party under Family Code sections 3025.5 and 3111.  The trial court found that the attorney’s asking questions about the custody evaluation in the presence of the court reporter and videographer at the deposition constituted an unjustified, malicious and reckless disclosure of the contents of the custody evaluation.

When the sanctioned attorney appealed.  She argued that the court reporter and videographer were “officers of the court” and were, therefore, exempt under 3025.5.  However, the appellate court held the court reporter and videographer were not employees of the court and were therefore not exempt.  The trial court did not abuse its discretion by imposing the sanctions on the attorney.  The attorney by asking deposition questions referencing the custody evaluation disclosed highly personal information about the child and family.  Moreover, disclosure in the form of questions in the presence of a court reporter was malicious and reckless.  The court affirmed the sanction of $50,000 against the attorney but reversed the sanction against the attorney’s client.

Be careful about asking questions in a deposition about a custody evaluation!

So, what is the lesson here? In a custody cases, do not ask questions about the custody evaluation in a deposition without court clearance.  If you screw this up, you may be paying a lot of money in sanctions and could even face discipline.

Big Change Coming in California Mediation Law in 2019 You Need to Know About

New Form Required by California Evidence Code § 1129

My Second Appearance on “Real Divorce Talk”

real divorce talk divorce information

I was happy to appear again on the Facebook Live program Real Divorce Talk. This time, I co-hosted with my good friend Bryan Devore. The potential for this program as a divorce information resource really excites me.

About Bryan Devore

Bryan Devore co-founded Divorce Home Solutions.  There, he helps people gather needed facts to make tough choices (including whether to sell their home or to stay).  They provide helpful services along with access to trusted divorce pros guiding folks through the divorce transition.

Bryan and his partner, Jami Shapiro, also sponsor a  Separated and Newly Divorced Meetup support group.  They meet every two weeks on Tuesdays in Carlsbad from 6pm – 8pm.  Because each session is led by a therapist specializing in divorce, it’s a time for folks to learn and share.  Sharing experiences helps people realize they aren’t alone.

Watch Episode 2 of Real Divorce Talk for Relevant Divorce Information

This week’s Real Divorce Talk show featured Certified Divorce Financial Analyst Carlie Headapohl, divorce mortgage expert Eric Billock, nationally recognized author of The Good Divorce Dr. Constance Ahrons, and “Lemonade Divorce” attorney and mediator Allison Patton.

Today’s Topics: co-parenting, divorce emotions, divorce finances, mortgage lending during a divorce, divorce mediation, the Good Divorce, and Lemonade Divorce.

If you like what you see, then be sure to “Like” the show and follow.

For more divorce information, check out:

Forgiveness During Divorce: A key to finding peace

Watch my appearance on Real Divorce Talk on Facebook Live

We Don’t Get Along Very Well. How Can We Possibly Mediate Our Divorce?

Five Tips to Have a Miserable Divorce

miserable divorce

Looking for a miserable divorce?  Here’s how!

Under the best of circumstances, a divorce can be an awful experience.  But there are some things you can do right now to make sure that you have a completely horrible, miserable divorce.  Here are some tips:

1.  Hire the cheapest attorney.

You get what you pay for and an attorney can be the difference in having a good divorce or a miserable divorce.  So by all means, hire the cheapest attorney in the phone book.

2.  Find a shark to represent you.

Make sure that you find the toughest and meanest attorney you can find.  Make sure she is very expensive.  Look for the largest ad in the phone book and find the picture of the attorney with the angriest face.  This is a sure way to increase the conflict in your divorce and make things completely awful.  A shark attorney will do a good job of running up the clock and the billable hours, but generally won’t care about you at all.  The shark will unnecessarily increase the conflict so that he can increase his billable hours.  What little relationship you have left with your soon to be ex will be out the window and you will have years of anger and hatred to look forward to.  When the case is over, you will probably have to declare bankruptcy because the definition of victory for a shark is that you have $2, your spouse gets $1 and the lawyers get the rest.  Best of all, you will spend your kids’ college funds and probably put your lawyer’s kids through school instead.

3. Whatever you do, don’t get a therapist.

You don’t want a therapist to help you with the emotional turmoil you are experiencing now.  You want to be plagued by depression, anger, guilt, and anxiety.  A therapist can help with all of those things, so to truly have a miserable divorce, you want to avoid any mental health professional.  Try to deal with it yourself and let your emotions blossom into a full blown temporary psychosis.

4. Use your children as pawns.

One important key to having a miserable divorce is to destroy your kids in the process.  Studies have shown that the conflict of divorce does more to harm kids than the divorce itself.  So go out of your way to increase the conflict between you and your ex.  Make sure that the kids are in the middle of the conflict.  Use them as messengers for adult business.  Tell them about how horrible your ex is.  Make sure that you fight for every minute with your kids that you can.  Be sure to have a lot of shouting and swearing when you exchange the kids.  That’s a sure way to make sure that your children grow up to have depression, relationship problems, obsessive-compulsive disorder, eating disorders and drug addictions.  Best of all, your children will grow to resent you, which would truly make for a miserable divorce.

5. Demand justice.

There is no such thing as justice in Family Court.  That’s why to have a miserable divorce you should demand it!  It’s a sure way to spend a lot of time, money and energy only to be disappointed.  Don’t compromise unless it meets your perfect definition of justice and fairness.  Because your spouse probably has a different opinion of what “fair” means, this technique is particularly effective at disappointing you.

These are my top five.  Do you have any others?  Comment below and share with me your tips for a miserable divorce.

See Also:

Forgiveness During Divorce: https://weberdisputeresolution.com/forgiveness-during-divorce/

How much does it cost to go to divorce mediation? https://weberdisputeresolution.com/divorce-mediation-cost/

Looking at the New Year Post Divorce

new year post divorce, new year's resolutions

Alas!  A New Year has come and gone again.  For most of my current clients, 2015 was a rough year.  It brought them the end of their marriages.  The year may have been filled with conflict with a former spouse over money, kids, etc.  Perhaps there were tears shed.  Maybe dreams were shattered.  Sound depressing?  It can be.   But 2015 is over, so there is an opportunity to build a new experience for the New Year post divorce.

Here are my suggestions for some words to consider when making your resolutions for the New Year post divorce.  This is in no way a comprehensive list.  It’s just some of my own thoughts.  Perhaps you have your own resolution ideas that you would like to share.  Here are mine:

Peace.

You got a divorce for a reason, right?  I’m sure things weren’t all butterflies and rainbows.  But now you are divorced. So take the opportunity to stop the fighting and discontinue the war with your ex.  If there is a legitimate legal concern that needs addressing, use mediation or Collaborative Practice instead of adversarial litigation to resolve those differences.  It’s a great opportunity to move on and find peace in the New Year post divorce.  A meditation or mindfulness practice can go a long way towards achieving some peace.

Co-Parenting.

Before your divorce, parenting may have been easier.  Post-divorce, you still have to interact with the person you divorced to raise your kids.  Your kids need you to get along.  There is a lot of evidence that continued parental conflict after the divorce is very harmful to children.  Resolve now to be the best co-parent you can be in the New Year post divorce.  Look for ways to be cooperative (even when the other parent doesn’t).  If you haven’t always been a leader in the child rearing arena, now is the time to step up to the plate and make a helpful contribution.  Be the grown up here and your kids will thank you.

Self-reliance.

Now that you are on your own, you don’t have the other person there to rely on.  This is a great opportunity to stand on your own two feet with your head held high.  Be your own person.  Be strong. Be self-assured. Be independent.

If you are receiving alimony, look for ways to be self-supporting so that you don’t need support anymore.  Meet with a vocational counselor to make new career goals.  Enroll in school or get trained, or retrained, in a field that you can be passionate about.

Plan for your future financial well-being.  Meet with a financial advisor to make sure you are using your money wisely.  Come up with a five year or ten year plan.  Meet with an estate planning attorney to make sure you have updated your will and estate plan.

Health.

Perhaps during 2015 you let the stress of the divorce affect your health.  Maybe you didn’t eat well.  Maybe you stopped going to the gym.  Maybe you weren’t sleeping well.  Perhaps you were depressed or angry causing your emotional well-being to suffer.  Resolve now to restore your health in the New Year post divorce.

Take the time to eat well and exercise.  Get good sleep.  Perhaps get your annual physical from your doctor and make a plan for your physical health.  Take care of your body and it will take care of you.

But don’t forget your emotional health either.  Divorce can be such a toxic and painful experience.  If you are struggling, meet with a therapist and work through the changes in your life resulting from your divorce.  Before you date, make sure that you work though any lingering issues you may have so that you can be your best self before you involve another person in your life.  I have noticed a clear correlation in my clients who sought post-divorce therapy and their level of happiness years later.

Forgiveness.

I know that “forgiveness” is a loaded word.  It’s easier said then done.  You may be hurt or angry with your former spouse.  As mentioned before, you got divorced for a reason.  However, you are divorced now.  It’s time to let it go.  The past is in the past.

Now keep in mind, I am not suggesting that you allow yourself to be abused if that is what happened before.  Keep in place whatever safety measure you have to make sure you can’t be hurt again.  I am just suggesting that it is time to move on from there.  Anger and hurt can be very damaging emotions.  Do what you can this year to forgive so that you can leave those terrible feelings behind you.  If you find you can’t do it alone (and most can’t) talk to someone.  Turn to a spiritual advisor or a mentor to help you leave the past in the past.

Don’t forget to forgive yourself.  Guilt has it’s place, but it can eat you up if you can’t get past it.  Perhaps you have serious regrets about how your marriage ended.  Rather than let the guilt consume you, find a way to learn from the experience, forgive everyone involved and move on.

 You have read my list of New Year’s Resolution words for the newly divorced.  What are some of your words?  I would love to read them!

Related links:

Five Tips to Reduce Your Stress in a Divorce that Most Attorneys Won’t Tell You

10 Essential New Year’s Resolutions for Your Divorce

12 New Year’s Resolutions for Divorced Moms

New Year’s Resolutions During Divorce

Top 10 Difficult New Year’s Resolutions for Divorced Parents

New Year’s resolutions, new year post divorce, new year’s divorce, san diego divorce attorney

Holidays After Divorce – Bring Peace on Earth to Your Kids

holidays after divorce

For many of my clients, the holidays after divorce can be a difficult time.

Many are keenly aware of the loss they have suffered as the result of their divorce and will go to great lengths to preserve a sense of family.  The changes to the family, for many, are in stark contrast to the ideal Norman Rockwell Holiday memories they want their kids to have.  People also, quite reasonably, want their children with them on those special days.  All of that is reasonable, but when the wish to have your kids with you on a special Holiday turns into conflict between you and your ex, your kids can suffer.

It’s a bit ironic that in this season when we are supposedly celebrating peace on earth, some of the greatest interfamily conflict can occur and if you’re not careful, your kids will be right in the middle of a holiday visitation disaster.  Here are just a few ideas about how to bring “Peace on Earth” to your kids for the holidays after divorce:

Consider Celebrating Some Part of the Holiday Together with Your Ex.

I know, you worked hard to get away from your former spouse, but your kids didn’t.  For their sake, consider putting the past behind you and let your kids open presents with both of their parents.  That said, if you just can’t be in the same room with the other parent without it devolving into a slug fest, then reconsider.  But if you both can keep it together long enough for the kids to have a nice holiday, you will have done something very kind for them.  This is the season of giving after all.

Coordinate Presents with the Other Parent.

Much of the holidays after divorce conflict we see is when the parents compete with each other over the present giving.  Don’t let that happen.  Rather, spend some time early coordinating the gift giving with the other parent.  Perhaps consider purchasing joint gifts. Don’t let something as beautiful as gift giving turn into an ugly competition.

Don’t Project Your Own Emotions About the Holidays After Divorce Onto Your Kids.

Holiday visitation stirs up all kinds of feelings and emotions.  Regret, guilt, anger, resentment, loneliness- these are feelings that can pop up in spades during the holidays.  However, if these are your emotions, they might not necessarily be what your kids are feeling.  We have a tendency to project our own feelings and frustrations onto others, when that is usually not appropriate.  Be aware of that and keep your expression of emotions in check.  Stay selfless and make the holidays about others and what their needs are.  Be mindful, that your kids’ needs will likely include time with the other parent.

Plan the Holiday Visitation and Travel Schedule Early.

Don’t just assume that your ex will be aware of or will cooperate in fulfilling your expectations for the perfect holiday with the kids.  Communicate early and plan ahead with your kids’ other parent to reduce confusion or frustration when the holiday comes around.  Don’t assume anything about the schedule.  Don’t wait until Thanksgiving to talk about the holidays.  Start talking and coordinating in July – or even earlier.  That way, when the holiday comes around, there will be no surprises.

In summary, the holidays after divorce can be a time when cherished memories are created.  However, they can also be a time of heartache and terrible memories if not done properly.  Don’t let problems with holiday visitation be a flashpoint for your kids to remember how badly you and your ex behaved.  Let it be “Peace on Earth” for your kids.  That means that you need to take responsibility to be a peacemaker with the other parent.

These are just a few ideas.  Maybe you have some ideas or tips.  Share them with me!

Divorce Options Workshops

Forgiveness During Divorce: A key to finding peace

Doing your Divorce with a Child Specialist

child specialist san diego divorce

My friend and colleague, San Diego Divorce Attorney Fran Setzer, wrote a great post about using a neutral Child Specialist to help with divorce proceedings.

A neutral Child Specialist, who is a mental health professional experienced with children and divorce, can be an excellent resource for parents and really puts the needs of the children front and center.  I am a big fan of bringing the right specialized resource to the right situation.  A Child Specialist is the perfect tool when considering the needs of kids in a divorce.

Read Fran’s post at the Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego Blog here: http://collaborativefamilylawsandiegoblog.com/do-you-need-a-child-specialist-for-your-divorce/