by Shawn Weber | Mar 18, 2011 | Uncategorized
I came across this funny video on YouTube. It strangely reminded me of a divorce mediation I conducted.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iBLkOMvidwo&w=480&h=390]
The caption read, “N’Gos tlhogh cha! A simple procedure… This would save millions in attorney fees.” The mediation of which I am referring involved a couple that simply had to get out their emotions and frustrations before they could settle anything. I remember after a long period of haggling over what seemed to be trivial issues, the wife stood up and said, “I hate you and never want to see you again.” She then quickly settled on all issues over which they had been haggling for months. She didn’t care so much about the settlement as much as she cared about making sure he knew that she was finished with him.
Now I am not recommending that we move our divorces into violent Klingon style combat. However, I am suggesting that the simple expression of the hurt and anger can sometimes be important. I am a big believer that mediators and conflict managers such as myself cannot be afraid of conflict. We have to be able to embrace it, understand it, and work within it.
So many attorneys become mediators because they can’t handle conflict. They believe that moving into alternate dispute resolution will protect them from conflict. However, this thinking is wrong. Models like collaborative divorce or mediation, while going a long way to manage conflict, do not eliminate it. To be successful in such models, the professionals need to have the stomach for the raw emotions of hurt and anger to be expressed. Otherwise, they will invariably fail as conflict managers. It’s like a surgeon who faints at the sight of blood.
For me, the joy of conflict resolution comes largely from my ability to roll up my sleeves and get knee deep into the “muck” of emotions and humanity that is so present in divorce cases. It’s not that I enjoy the pain people are feeling. Rather, I enjoy the sheer humanity of it all. It is so rewarding to work with people in pain work through their conflict and come out better on the other side.
by Shawn Weber | Mar 14, 2011 | Uncategorized
Here is a true but funny video about why women divorce their husbands. What do you think?
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRjsg2cVwmw&w=480&h=390]
by Shawn Weber | Feb 24, 2011 | Uncategorized
Interesting article about non-custodial women. As a family law attorney, I am meeting more and more women who choose this arrangment for various reasons. It is still true that many women feel stigmatized. I find this phenominum similar to the visceral reaction that many women exhibit when they are asked to pay their husband alimony. After all, millions of years of evolution and biology have programed us to understand that the man is the provider. Society will look upon a male recipient of spousal support as a dead beat. Traditional societal values do have a strong impact about one’s feelings towards such basic institutions as the family and our roles within those institutions.
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost
by Shawn Weber | Feb 22, 2011 | Uncategorized
Best Interest of the Child is the California Child Custody Standard
You hear it mentioned over and over again, “The Court makes a custody order in keeping with the child’s best interests.” However, seldom do you hear anyone define what “best interest of the child” really means. The factors that the court
Calfornia Family Code section 3041 defines “best interest of the child” for child custody
The factors that the court must consider in determining the best interests of the child are spelled out in California Family Code section 3011 as follows:
“In making a determination of the best interest of the child in a proceeding described in Section 3021, the court shall, among any other factors it finds relevant, consider all of the following:
(a) The health, safety, and welfare of the child.
(b) Any history of abuse by one parent or any other person seeking custody against any of the following:
(1) Any child to whom he or she is related by blood or affinity or with whom he or she has had a caretaking relationship, no matter how temporary.
(2) The other parent.
(3) A parent, current spouse, or cohabitant, of the parent or person seeking custody, or a person with whom the parent or person seeking custody has a dating or engagement relationship.
. . . .
(c) The nature and amount of contact with both parents, except as provided in Section 3046.
(d) The habitual or continual illegal use of controlled substances or habitual or continual abuse of alcohol by either parent. . . .”
Cal. Fam. § 3011 (West 2011).
Check out this further reading:
https://weberdisputeresolution.com/irreplaceable-dad/
https://weberdisputeresolution.com/in-california-what-is-the-difference-between-legal-custody-and-physical-custody/
https://weberdisputeresolution.com/holiday-visitation-bring-peace-on-earth-to-your-kids/
https://weberdisputeresolution.com/divorce-options-workshops/
by Shawn Weber | Feb 15, 2011 | Uncategorized
This article on Huffington Post has some excellent points about the modern prenup. I believe that the prenup conversation forces couples to discuss their money and expectations PRIOR to getting married. To me, that makes for a better marriage. If you can’t have the conversation, then perhaps you should think about whether you can have the marriage.
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost
