Why I absolutely love Collaborative Practice for Resolving Divorce Cases.

by | May 12, 2011 | Uncategorized

Collaborative Practice offers the promise of peaceful negotiation with maximum professional support.

I have been involved in matrimonial law most of my career. I have seen some pretty awful stuff. People come to my office at the worst time of their lives: a family in pain; lovers betrayed. As the family is the very heart of our existence and interaction as men and women, the demise of a marriage thrusts real, honest people into some of the deepest and most exquisite pain we humans are capable of experiencing. Divorce professionals, for better or for worse, are given a front row seat to such sorrow and tragedy. We go through a lot of tissue. I have seen a coffee cup thrown across a room. I have seen strong, grown men cry. I have seen suicide attempts and suicide successes.

 

children, kids, custody, visitation, parenting, coparenting, collaborative practice

 

I have seen the serious collateral damage that a divorce war can inflict on the most innocent – children. I witnessed divorces that were so acrimonious in their conflict that the children of the marriage were literally destroyed by the drug and alcohol addiction that so often accompanies children of divorce, and they had to eventually be admitted into Rehab centers like Arista Recovery (https://www.aristarecovery.com/) to overcome their addiction phase.

Early in my career, I enjoyed the thrill of a battle in court. Litigation can be intoxicating for an attorney. I experienced the adrenaline rush of a nasty phone call to an opposing counsel, the delivery of a strongly worded letter on attorneys’ stationary and the excitement of combat in the court room. It is easy to allow oneself to get caught up in the warfare and become a part of the problem rather than a guide to a solution. In law school we are taught to be “zealous advocates” for our clients. The problem, however, is that in our zeal, we often overlook and destroy our client’s most important asset – the family relationships. Furthermore, “zeal” with its weaponry of formal discovery, motions, court work and general nastiness can deplete the family finances in such an extreme way that our clients are left bankrupt. Sometimes I feel like some attorneys are more zealous advocates of collecting more fees than they are of doing what is best for the client. It is actually called the “adversarial process” in that parties are purposely pitted against one another. Surely, encouraging couples to be adversarial rather than constructive and mutual when discussing delicate issues like parenting is terrible for a family. Don’t get me wrong, some cases require a court battle. However, the vast majority do not.

collaborative practice keeps people out of court

I have since recovered from the mindset that everything must be scorched earth. Towards the beginning of my career I did mediation, which was a great way to keep folks out of court and focus on solutions. The limitations of mediation, however, are that the parties don’t often have the support of advising attorneys in the room. As a neutral mediator, I am unable to advise what is in a party’s best interests. I can’t protect the interests of my clients. I always recommend that clients seek independent legal advice, but it is hard sometimes, if the attorney is not in the room. On the other side of the same coin, some advising attorneys misunderstand their role and drive what could otherwise be a simple mediated case into litigation.

In Collaborative Practice, however, the parties and their attorneys jointly sign an agreement that they will not be going to court. The agreement further stipulates that should either party choose to litigate, both attorneys are disqualified from participating. This frees the attorney from having to posture with every meeting. If the attorneys are not constantly concerned that they will have to litigate every issue, they are freed to focus on solutions rather than looking for more conflict. The attorneys’ roles switch from zealous advocates to “legal educators” and “counselors at law”. The power shifts away from the attorneys to the parties. The parties decide what the agreement will be and the attorneys merely provide advice regarding the law.

Additionally, the parties can bring in additional professionals to work on their Collaborative Practice team. Mental health professionals can be utilized as divorce coaches or child specialists to assist with the hugely emotional issues in every divorce case. A neutral financial professional can be brought in to assist the parties with understanding the money issues and for planning for the future. As an attorney, I am then relieved of the burden of having to act (incompetently) as an emotional support, child custody expert or as a financial guide. Often these additional professionals will have a lower billing rate than the attorneys so tremendous economies of scale can be achieved. You pay money to the people most qualified to give the particular service.

I enjoy Collaborative Practice as a human being as well. It is wonderful to work with a collaborative practice preserves familiiescouple to transition their family in the least destructive manner possible. I love collaborating with professionals from other disciplines to help the family find the very best solutions for their situation. Collaborative Practice is much more mutually respectful, civil, child-centered and humane than traditional litigation. Although divorce is always painful no matter which model of dispute resolution is used, couples can leave the collaborative divorce process feeling good about their futures and knowing that they found constructive solutions for their families.

For more information about Collaborative Practice, contact Shawn Weber for a consultation at 858-410-0144 or view:

https://weberdisputeresolution.com/explore-our-services/collaborative-divorce/

https://weberdisputeresolution.com/collaborative-divorce-a-safe-place/

See also:

Collaborative Practice California

Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego

International Academy of Collaborative Professionals

 

collaborative practice, san diego divorce attorney, collaborative divorce, solana beach divorce attorney, Shawn Weber

Study: Divorce harder on children than a parent’s death, shortens children’s own lives | Deseret News

by | May 11, 2011 | Uncategorized

This is a link to a fascinating study about the effect of divorce on children.  I would think that many of these negative effects could be miniumized if the divorcing parents worked more cooperatively.  I would think that methods of alternate dispute resolution such as collaborative divorce or mediation would go a long way in reducing the stress and long term effects on children.

Here is a link to the article:  Study: Divorce harder on children than a parent’s death, shortens children’s own lives | Deseret News.

Reuters: Parents of twins slightly more likely to divorce

by | Apr 3, 2011 | Uncategorized

Parents of twins more likely to divorceReuters Health reported on March 30 that parents of twins may be “slightly more likely to get divorced than parents without twins, according to a new study.”

As a parent of twins myself, I can see how that could be.  My wife and I have five children, the youngest twin girls.  While we are lucky to have a strong marriage, the stress that we endured when the girls were small was pronounced.  It certainly took some effort to continue to focus on our relationship.  It could have been very easy to focus all of our energy on the twins at the expense of our marriage.

The financial pressures of twin births is real too.  I can vouch that double diaper and baby wipe purchases are a real hit to the monthly budget.  However, I can also testify as do many other parents of multiples that I know, that having twins is incredibly enriching and adds to a person’s capacity to love.

Finally, I note that the study discussed in the Reuters article only uncovered a 1% greater likelihood in divorce rates between parents with singletons as the first child as opposed to twins as the first birth in the family.  Honestly, that seems rather insignificant and could simply be a rounding error.  However, as I am no statistician, I will defer to the scientists who noticed the trend.

The moral of the story seems to be that parents of twins simply need to be more aware of the risk.  Having twins is certainly not a sentence for inevitable divorce, but it is a risk factor that makes one take note and take preventative measures.  I would be very interested in any studies relating to co-parenting in families with twins.

Do you know anyone who had twins and got divorced?  Comment and let me know!

Here is a link to the article from Reuters:  Divorce News.

Click here for more information about Brave, Weber and Mack: Family Law, Mediation and Collaborative Divorce.

Divorced dads: Remaining close to the children – chicagotribune.com

by | Apr 3, 2011 | Uncategorized

Below is a link to an interesting article from the Chicago Tribune with some excellent tips on how to preserve relationships between parents and children after a divorce.  All too often, the parent-child relationship is badly damaged during the divorce process– especially the relationship between the chidlren and the non-custodial parent.  However, it doesn’t need to be that way.  This article has some great tips.

Divorced dads: Remaining close to the children – chicagotribune.com.

I would love to here your ideas.  What do you think are some ways to preserve the relationships between non-custodial parents and children after a divorce.  I really want to hear from you. Please give me your ideas and suggestions in the comments section below.

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