Archive for March 2015

We Don’t Get Along Very Well. How Can We Possibly Mediate Our Divorce?

Conflict between the man and the woman prior to divorce mediation

Peace and harmony are not prerequisites for divorce mediation.

Some people believe that a prerequisite for consensual dispute resolution options like Divorce Mediation or Collaborative Practice is that the parties have to get along or trust each other. That is simply not the case!

A good divorce mediator or collaborative practitioner knows how to get to the heart of the issues even when there is significant conflict. We consensual dispute resolution (CDR) professionals understand that people need our services when there is a dispute to resolve. Conflict is an inherent part of dispute resolution.

CDR professionals are not afraid of conflict.

They have training to get to the heart of what is keeping you from settling. I call these “fault lines”.  A significant part of my work with couples in divorce mediation is taking the time to really listen and understand where the fault lines are and what is causing them. That way I can help.

With divorcing couples, I never just expect things to be easy. After all, you are divorcing for a reason. Surely things up until now have not been all butterflies and rainbows.

My mission is to bring humanity to legal situations to clarify the dynamics of each unique situation in a manner that reveals options for settlement, preserves the long-term interest of the family, and empowers the individual client. I have a profound ability to get into the world my clients are experiencing and feeling to uncover the necessary clarity in each divorce relationship dynamic. From there, I can use my gifts to bring a sense of calm, resolve and hope that could never be reached in adversarial litigation.

So, I take time. I listen – carefully. I try to help bridge the gaps. It’s often quite emotional. It’s only rarely easy. But, if the parties work hard to stretch to find a settlement, I can usually help.

If you are having trouble getting along, don’t let that stop you. There are few cases that must go to court. It’s my job to get you past the conflict and help you find peace for you and your family.

What?!?! How could we have been so wrong about the divorce rate?

Conflict between the man and the womanFor years I had pretty much taken it as gospel the popular statistic that 50% of all marriages end in divorce.  It seemed to fit an apocalyptic narrative, which seemed to fit to the time.  But recent evidence shows that although divorce rates increased and peaked during the 1970s and 1980s, rates have actually been declining steadily ever since.  In other words, we were dead wrong and its wrong to keep repeating it.

Read about it here and here.

Now… that doesn’t mean that people aren’t divorcing.  Fortunately for me and perhaps unfortunately for the rest of the world, my family law practice is humming right along.  I don’t seem to have a shortage of divorce cases coming through my door.  So, I still hold to this sentiment: although I may not be able to change the fact that people get divorced, I may be able to change HOW they divorce.

That’s why I offer out of court consensual dispute resolution options like mediation and Collaborative Practice.  I simply believe that helping families transition without the need for adversarial litigation makes the world just a little better and makes the lives of those going through the divorce way better.

Video Post: Why I Absolutely Love Collaborative Practice For Divorce Cases

Family Law Attorney and Mediator Shawn Weber explains why he loves Collaborative Practice for resolving divorce and family law cases.

Shawn Weber Discusses Alternate Dispute Resolution on San Diego AM 1700 ESPN Radio

I recently had the opportunity to appear for the seventh time on San Diego’s AM 1700 ESPN Radio “Real Estate Radio” with host Ryan White. Ryan gave me an opportunity to talk about alternate dispute resolution and why it can be a better way to approach a divorce than traditional adversarial litigation. Here’s an excerpt:

To learn more about Ryan White and Real Estate Radio, click here.