by Shawn Weber, JD, CLS-F* | Mar 6, 2023 | Uncategorized
Some attorneys make the mistake of engaging in “retainer talk.” This has long been a practice among less scrupulous lawyers. They try to convince their clients they have the best legal strategy- even if they don’t. However, over-promising with dishonest “retainer talk” when speaking with leads can lead to disastrous consequences.
When it comes to a law practice, one thing is certain: your clients will expect (and even demand) results. Attorneys feel pressure to sell more than they can deliver to attract business. But as you know, legal outcomes are hard to predict. As a result, overselling is never a good plan.
Defining the term “retainer talk” and why it can damage your case
Attorneys describe “retainer talk” as talks between a lawyer and potential client where the former makes promises to secure the client’s business. It can range from simply inflating the lawyer’s abilities to making empty promises about case outcomes.
Although some attorneys may think retainer talk is an acceptable business practice, it is actually a damaging habit causing serious repercussions for both lawyers and clients. When engaging in this type of conversation, lawyers forget their clients want win cases but don’t want their lawyer to lie to them. Truly, honesty about potential outcomes is best.
When clients enter into an attorney-client relationship based on unrealistic estimations set by attorneys, they will be left disappointed if expectations are not met. Of course this can lead to costly fee and malpractice disputes. Because making unrealistic guarantees or expectations can damage trust between lawyers and clients, it can get you sued!
Tips on how to avoid “retainer talk” when preparing for a lawyer-client meeting
Lawyers face a delicate balance when they offer advice to their clients: providing sound, knowledgeable counsel without losing the client. There’s a balance for lawyers to ensure their client fully understands the legal process without turning the client off and losing the case. However, it is less likely you will regret unvarnished, honest advice. Contrastingly, overly-optimistic promises tend to get lawyers in trouble.
One answer is simpler than you might think – preparation! Researching a case before taking it on can help attorneys understand the lay of the land and help them in determining an action plan for their clients. Moreover, working through potential questions and root causes prior to a meeting can provide vital context and allow lawyers to provide critical guidance that can make all the difference. Ultimately, putting in the effort beforehand enables attorneys to stay focused on the goal of providing wise counsel without running into “retainer talk”.
Showcasing alternative strategies to communicate with clients without over-promising results
Lawyers can be notorious for their hyperbolic language when dealing with clients, leading to oversold expectations. Thankfully, there are alternatives to this practice.
Never underestimate the persuasive power of the phrase “it depends”! Such a statement still allows lawyers to present an array of options while underlining caveats and encouraging balance in decision-making. Moreover, dedicating time to educate clients on the legal spectrum and risk involved create more meaningful relationships while setting healthier expectations—win-win!
Ideas on how to maintain ethical standards while maintaining good relationships with clients
Lawyers need to work with their clients effectively while also ensuring they are maintaining the highest level of ethical standards. That’s a tricky tightrope to navigate!
It is important to lay down the ground rules early, prioritizing the needs of the client while staying within legal boundaries. Create achievable goals where both parties understand what is expected, and anticipate potential pitfalls and review options for solutions. Ultimately, lawyers will build up a good rapport with clients as they trust that their needs will be met ethically.
Clients feel valued when they are heard. As such, it’s essential for lawyers to not just pay attention but also remember clients’ preferences from meeting-to-meeting. This helps continue to foster positive client relationships. Rather than take a back seat and depend completely on clients’ instructions, lawyers should proactively advocate for policies that promote professional conduct and trust on both sides.
Ultimately, a lawyer should make their relationship with the client simple and straightforward. Refraining from “retainer talk” is an important way to preserve that relationship. As you strive to practice law responsibly and follow ethical guidelines, always keep in mind the importance of remaining transparent, honest, and forthright when speaking with clients. Don’t fall into the trap of engaging in “retainer talk”—it’s not worth it! Remember a legal professional’s responsibilities extend beyond achieving positive case outcomes for the clients. Good ethics will take you far in this profession. You’ll be much better off being an unbiased adviser than promising something you can’t deliver.
by Shawn Weber, JD, CLS-F* | Feb 8, 2023 | Uncategorized
If you are going through a divorce and have significant wealth, chances are you are looking for the best way to resolve complex financial disputes. Litigation is an option, but it can be costly and time-consuming. The better option is mediation because it allows you to remain in control of your decisions and avoid the drawn-out process of litigation. Here’s why mediation is the best solution for resolving complex financial disputes.
Mediation offers a number of benefits over litigation when dealing with complex financial disputes.
More Control
First, mediation allows people to remain in control of their decisions instead of leaving them up to a judge. This means people get to decide what is best for them, rather than having someone else decide for them.
Faster
Importantly, mediation can be much faster than litigation because there are little to no court dates or hearings to schedule. This makes it a much more efficient process and one you can complete in a matter of weeks or months instead of years.
Better Communication
Skilled mediators can help facilitate better communication between parties by creating an environment where both sides feel comfortable speaking openly about their concerns without fear of judgment or retribution. This type of dialogue often leads to better understanding on both sides. What’s more, it fosters agreement on issues that would otherwise be difficult to resolve through court.
More Cost Effective
Mediation also helps to keep costs low because mediators charge fewer billable hours than lawyers do, making it possible for people with limited funds to still access a quality dispute resolution service.
More Privacy
Finally, mediation provides more privacy than litigation as there are less public records associated with the outcome. Mediation confidentiality law protect meetings and mediation communications from public disclosure. This may be very important for those who wish to keep their private matters private.
A Great Way to Resolve Complex Financial Disputes
Overall, mediation provides many advantages over traditional litigation when resolving complex financial disputes between parties during a divorce. It gives people more control over their decisions, It provides an environment where open dialogue can lead to agreement on difficult issues without incurring high legal costs or waiting out long court battles. If you’re looking for a fast, cost-effective way to settle your dispute without sacrificing quality results, then look no further than mediation!
Additional Reading: Are You a Victim of Financial Infidelity?
by Shawn Weber, JD, CLS-F* | Jul 25, 2022 | Uncategorized
Looking for a miserable divorce? Here’s how!
Under the best of circumstances, a divorce can be an awful experience. Even if you have done all your research and know exactly how divorce works, it is still often a very toxic and harmful process. But there are some things you can do right now to make sure that you have a completely horrible, miserable divorce. Here are some tips:
1. Hire the cheapest attorney.
You get what you pay for and an attorney can be the difference in having a good divorce or a miserable divorce. So by all means, hire the cheapest attorney in the phone book if you want a miserable divorce. But if you’re looking for a good divorce, it might be worth finding a more experienced and reputable lawyer in your local area.
For California divorces, we recommend finding a specialist in family law who is certified by the California State Bar Board of Legal Speclialization. Such attorneys have had to meet certain experience requirements and have passed an extra bar examination for family law specialization. You will often see the person referred to as a Certified Family Law Specialist or with a designation such as “CFLS” or “CLS-F”.
2. Find a shark to represent you.
Make sure that you find the toughest and meanest attorney you can find. Make sure she is very expensive. Look for the largest ad in the phone book and find the picture of the attorney with the angriest face. This is indeed a sure way to increase the conflict in your divorce and make things completely awful.
A shark attorney will do a good job of running up the clock and the billable hours, but generally won’t care about you at all. The shark will unnecessarily increase the conflict so that he can increase his billable hours. In fact, what little relationship you have left with your soon to be ex will be out the window and you will have years of anger and hatred to look forward to. When the case is over, you will probably have to declare bankruptcy because the definition of victory for a shark is that you have $2, your spouse gets $1 and the lawyers get the rest. Best of all, you will spend your kids’ college funds and probably put your lawyer’s kids through school instead.
At Weber Dispute Resolution, our philosophy is to be a dolphin instead of a shark.
3. Whatever you do, don’t get a therapist.
You don’t want a therapist to help you with the emotional turmoil you are experiencing now. Moreover, you want to be plagued by depression, anger, guilt, and anxiety.
A therapist can help with all of those things, so to truly have a miserable divorce, you want to avoid any mental health professional. By all means, try to deal with it yourself and let your emotions blossom into a full blown temporary psychosis.
Without being sarcastic here, it’s smart to seek counseling from a qualified mental health professional if you believe you are not ready to hear what the other person is saying or the problem is something other than what you see. In truth, it can be helpful getting a third person’s point of view so that you can understand how it might appear to others. It may also provide you with a fresh perspective on things.
4. Use your children as pawns.
One important key to having a miserable divorce is to destroy your kids in the process. Studies have shown that the conflict of divorce does more to harm kids than the divorce itself. So go out of your way to increase the conflict between you and your ex.
Without a doubt, make sure that the kids are in the middle of the conflict. Use them as messengers for adult business. Tell them about how horrible your ex is. Make sure that you fight for every minute with your kids that you can. Be sure to have a lot of shouting and swearing when you exchange the kids. That’s a sure way to make sure that your children grow up to have depression, relationship problems, obsessive-compulsive disorder, eating disorders and drug addictions. Best of all, your children will grow to resent you, which would truly make for a miserable divorce.
There is no such thing as justice in Family Court. That’s why to have a miserable divorce you should demand it! It’s a sure way to spend a lot of time, money and energy only to be disappointed. Don’t compromise unless it meets your perfect definition of justice and fairness. Because your spouse probably has a different opinion of what “fair” means, this technique is particularly effective at disappointing you.
Shawn Weber’s appearance on the Bryan Devore Connection
Shawn was recently a guest on the Bryan Divorce Connection, where he shared his Five Tips to Have a Miserable Divorce with Bryan’s viewers. Check it out and let us know what you think.
To learn more about Bryan Devore and the Bryan Devorce Connection, click here.
by Shawn Weber, JD, CLS-F* | Aug 8, 2019 | Family & Divorce Mediation
Every August, the phone rings more at our office. School is starting, and co-parents are stuck on logistics. Who pays for supplies? Which parent gets called when there’s a problem? Who shows up at back-to-school night?
These are real questions. They come up every year, and they tend to land harder than parents expect.
Here is what I tell the families I work with.
Agree on Routines Before School Starts
Sit down with your co-parent before the first day. Do this without the kids, in a neutral location. Cover the basics: emergency contacts, transportation, pickup procedures, homework expectations, discipline, and after-school activities.
Once you have a plan, write it down and share it with your children. Kids do better when both houses are running from the same playbook.
Set a Budget for School Expenses
The parent who does the school shopping often pays up front and then asks for reimbursement. That works fine until the two of you have different ideas about what things should cost.
Set a budget together before anyone goes to the store. Agree on a number. Keep receipts. This avoids the argument that comes three weeks later when the credit card statement arrives.
Handle Extracurricular Activities Early
Sports, music, debate, robotics, drama. These activities matter to kids. They also cost money and require someone to drive.
Before the season starts, decide together which activities are realistic for your family’s schedule and budget. Agree on who provides transportation and who pays the fees. Making these decisions after your child has already committed creates problems for everyone, especially the child.
Coordinate Calendars
School generates a wall of dates: practices, games, performances, conferences, science fairs. Coordinate the school calendar with your parenting schedule early. Make sure your child can attend the things that matter to them.
Keep a shared calendar. Give copies to coaches and teachers so they know which parent your child will be with on a given day.
Plan for School Events
You are going to be in the same room as your co-parent at school events. That is part of the deal.
Agree in advance to be civil. You can manage an hour at a concert or a game a few times a year. If that is genuinely not possible right now, take turns attending on different nights or at different times. The goal is for your child to have a parent present, not for you to prove a point.
Meet the Teacher
Whether you are divorced or not, meeting your child’s teacher matters. Let the teacher know your family situation so they can watch for changes in behavior or mood. Kids going through transitions at home sometimes show it at school first.
That said, keep teachers out of any disagreements between you and your co-parent. Teachers are there for your child. They are not referees.
Both parents need access to school information. Give permission to teachers, counselors, and school administrators to communicate with both of you.
Arrange for duplicate notifications about grades, progress reports, and school events. This way, neither parent depends on the other to pass information along.
One important point: your child should never be the messenger between households. Forms, grades, notices. All of that goes parent to parent.
Use a Neutral Third Party When You Need One
If your relationship with your co-parent is high-conflict, a neutral third party can serve as a point of contact between you. A mediator or parent coordinator can relay information, help resolve disputes, and keep things from escalating during the school year.
This is a practical tool. The phone at Weber Dispute Resolution rings a lot in August and September. We help parents work through school-related disputes before they become court-related disputes.
Keep School as Your Child’s Space
Your child is still processing your divorce, no matter how long ago it happened. School is where they see friends, learn things, and build a life that belongs to them.
Let it stay that way. Support their experience. Show up when it counts. Handle the logistics between the adults. And when you are unsure about a decision, ask yourself one question: what does my child need here?
That question will usually get you to the right answer.
If you need help resolving school-related co-parenting disputes, contact Weber Dispute Resolution or call 858-410-0144.
Read more: Is Your Child College Bound? Who’s Paying for It?
by Shawn Weber, JD, CLS-F* | Aug 8, 2019 | Uncategorized
Can you believe it’s back to school time already? Divorced parents need to make some specific preparations for a successful school year. Photo Wokandpix/Creative Commons License
Can you believe it’s already time for 60 million American kids to go back to school? Didn’t we just start summer?
Mixed feelings are natural at this time of year for everyone. Kids are sad about summer being over so quickly. But they are likely to be excited and happy to see friends and get involved in favorite activities like athletics, music, or robotics.
But if you are a divorced parent navigating co-parenting, back to school is a little more complicated. Who pays for what? What activities will the child get to be involved in? Who does the school call if there is a problem? Who gets to chaperone the field trip? What school will your child will attend, near Dad’s house or Mom’s house?
The phone starts ringing at Weber Dispute Resolution at this time of year. Parents having trouble solving these issues come to us for help mediating their conflicts. We are glad they do, instead of taking their problems to court. If you need the same help for yourself or your clients, we hope to hear from you.
We offer these tips to help you start working through problems and considering your options.
Get on the same page about routines.
Get on the same page about school routines. Photo: Luci/Creative Commons License
Don’t make school any more complicated than necessary. Kids do better if you and your co-parent agree on routines, and so will you. Meet before school starts without the kids in a neutral location to discuss the routine details first. Some areas for discussion:
- Emergency contacts and emergency procedures
- Instructions about academics and schoolwork
- Disciplinary issues
- Transportation and pick-up
- After-school activities
Once you agree, write it all down and share the plan with your children.
Deal with school expenses up front.
Custodial parents usually find themselves paying up front for back-to-school wardrobes and school supplies and then ask for half of the expenses. But even when parents agree to split the cost, sometimes one parent has very different ideas about how much to spend on things like clothes. Set a budget up front you can both live with. Keep copies of the receipts so you have a record of what you’re owed.
Share school supplies information.
You may be the parent in charge of school shopping, but your ex might want to be involved. Let’s say your kid is in their last year of high school and wants to buy some gifts for their classmates to keep as memories of their time together. They might come to either of you to request the purchase. However, keeping the other one involved – whether you’re going to a store to buy keepsakes or heading online to Jostens or similar stores for the same – might be in your best interest so as to avoid any conflicts. If you do decide to go alone, make sure both of you have talked in advance about what Jim or Jane get to give their friends as a memorable keepsake. Purchases like this on a whim rarely end up without an argument and upset parents and kids.
Figure out what extra-curricular activities will be added – and paid for.
Are your kids into sports? Drama? Robotics? After school activities take time and money. Be sure you agree which parent is contributing both. Photo: KeithJJ/Creative Commons
Outside of the classroom, many kids want to participate in sports, music, drama, debate, student government, robotics or other science competitions. These activities can build valuable skills and develop passions your kids may follow into careers. But they also put a strain on your schedule and your budget. When time and money aren’t unlimited, you and your co-parent have to decide up front what’s realistic for your child and what’s not. Who is going to provide the transportation, and pay the fees?
Coordinate everyone’s calendars.
There are going to be lots of events when school starts: sports and music practices, meets, science fairs, concerts, etc. And you think your workday is busy! Coordinate the school calendar with your parenting schedule. You want to make sure your child is able to attend important events. Have calendars in each house, one in your child’s backpack and give one to teachers or coaches to show which parent he will be with.
Negotiate attendance at school events.
Agree in advance to be courteous to one another at school events so you can attend at the same time. You can suck it up for the hour it takes every few months. If this is really, truly not possible, arrange to attend on different nights or at different times.
Meet the new teacher.
Meet your child’s teacher and stay in communication. Photo: Kevin Lopez/Creative Commons License
Divorced or not, it is always good to meet with your child’s new teacher. Let her or him know your child comes from a divorced home or a shared custody home. Children of divorce and separation often act out at school, have emotional moments, or just a bad day. Your child’s teacher should know what’s going on. But keep teachers and school personnel out of any conflicts between you and your former spouse.
Share information about your child’s education and progress.
Don’t play games or create obstacles for the noncustodial parent to get information. Unless you have a protective order, give permission to the children’s teachers, counselors, and medical professionals to share school information with both parents.
Arrange for duplicate notifications.
Information should be shared with both parents. It can be useful to arrange for separate, duplicate notifications about academic progress and school activities so one parent is not responsible for copying and sending information to the other, including anything like schoolwork or forms your child brings home; Do NOT make your child the responsible party.
A written record can help keep legal issues straight and problems from escalating. If you have a contentious relationship with your co-parent, why fan the flames at all? Arrange up front for a neutral third party like a mediator to be the point of mutual contact between you to ensure civility and cooperation.
Remember who school is for. It’s not a battleground to establish who is the better parent.
Remember, school is for your kids – not a battleground for you and your ex. Photo: Ernesto Silva/Creative Commons License
It’s great for you to be involved with your children, but don’t get into a competition with your former spouse. Your child is still dealing with your divorce no matter how long ago it happened while juggling the demands of school. Let school be your kid’s refuge, a place for him or her to have fun, learn, achieve and excel, and forget about difficult family issues.
No matter what, you can’t go wrong making a decision if you stop and ask yourself this: what’s in the best interest of my child? You get an A-plus.
