This is a link to a fascinating study about the effect of divorce on children. I would think that many of these negative effects could be miniumized if the divorcing parents worked more cooperatively. I would think that methods of alternate dispute resolution such as collaborative divorce or mediation would go a long way in reducing the stress and long term effects on children.
Here is an excellent video with information about Collaborative Practice. I am a firm believer that Collaborative Practice is a better way to divorce. By attorneys, mental health professionals and financial professionals working together, a couple facing a divorce stands a much better chance of transitioning their family in a respectful way that is better for the kids and the couple’s finances.
For more information about Collaborative Practice in California, go to www.cpcal.com.
To schedule a consultation for a Collaborative Divorce, contact attorney Shawn Weber at 858-345-1616 or visit our website at www.BraveWeberMack.com for more information.
This is an excellent article about how to work with advising attorneys during mediation. I always say, make sure your attorney understands clearly at the first consultation that you are not looking for full blown representation– just advice. I also agree with the comment that a collaborative lawyer is the best candidate. Collaborative lawyers through their training “get it” that you are trying to stay out of court. Remember, your attorney works for you and you are the boss. Don’t let an attorney talk you out of a settlement if you believe it is right for your family. You only need the attorney to make sure that your decisions are informed. You are a grown up, so if after conferring with your attorney, you believe that your choices are right, then follow your gut. You have to live with your choices, not your attorney. Read the Article at HuffingtonPost
The caption read, “N’Gos tlhogh cha! A simple procedure… This would save millions in attorney fees.” The mediation of which I am referring involved a couple that simply had to get out their emotions and frustrations before they could settle anything. I remember after a long period of haggling over what seemed to be trivial issues, the wife stood up and said, “I hate you and never want to see you again.” She then quickly settled on all issues over which they had been haggling for months. She didn’t care so much about the settlement as much as she cared about making sure he knew that she was finished with him.
Now I am not recommending that we move our divorces into violent Klingon style combat. However, I am suggesting that the simple expression of the hurt and anger can sometimes be important. I am a big believer that mediators and conflict managers such as myself cannot be afraid of conflict. We have to be able to embrace it, understand it, and work within it.
So many attorneys become mediators because they can’t handle conflict. They believe that moving into alternate dispute resolution will protect them from conflict. However, this thinking is wrong. Models like collaborative divorce or mediation, while going a long way to manage conflict, do not eliminate it. To be successful in such models, the professionals need to have the stomach for the raw emotions of hurt and anger to be expressed. Otherwise, they will invariably fail as conflict managers. It’s like a surgeon who faints at the sight of blood.
For me, the joy of conflict resolution comes largely from my ability to roll up my sleeves and get knee deep into the “muck” of emotions and humanity that is so present in divorce cases. It’s not that I enjoy the pain people are feeling. Rather, I enjoy the sheer humanity of it all. It is so rewarding to work with people in pain work through their conflict and come out better on the other side.
I have been following an excellent series by my friends and colleagues, Justin Reckers, CFP, CDFA, AIF and Robert Simon, Ph.D. I recommend this series highly to clients and divorce professionals. It really does a good job of showing how one’s biasis and emotions can complicate and influence financial decisions. In my experience, 95% of the hard work in divorce negotiations is emotional. If the negotiations were purely math driven, my job would be a lot easier. However, math is really small part compared to the emotional baggage people often carry into the room. Here is a link to a great article on Cognitive Bias in Financial Negotiations of Divorce. Thanks Robert and Justin for your excellent work. http://advisor.morningstar.com/articles/fcarticle.asp?s=&docId=20909&from=related
