Will I Be Able To Keep The House in the Divorce?

Will I Be Able To Keep The House in the Divorce?

by | Dec 7, 2015 | Uncategorized

Many folks express a desire to keep the house in the divorce.

This is usually done by buying out the other party’s interest in the residence. This involves not only paying off the former spouse for his or her half of the equity, but usually involves a refinance to move the mortgage into your name only. While keeping the house may sound like what you want, it is very often a poor decision. It won’t be helpful to make yourself house poor to keep the house. Here are some points to consider when considering whether it’s a good idea to keep the residence or not:

To keep the house in the divorce is probably not about the kids.

While you may be thinking that the kids will need you to keep the house in the divorce, the reality is that it is often not true that a move will harm the children. Surely the kids won’t benefit if you put yourself into bankruptcy. Be careful that your thoughts and emotions are clear so that you are not allowing your own emotions and insecurities to cloud your judgment.

Don’t give away your retirement to keep the house in the divorce.

People will often try to find money in their retirement assets to trade for the residence buyout. While retirement may seem far away, it may be closer than your realize. Think twice about raiding your retirement. You won’t be able to enjoy your real estate in your old age if you can’t retire. Therefore, do not overdo it when it comes to keeping the house in the divorce. It may deplete your current savings.

Consider costs of sale.

If you sell your house as part of the divorce proceeding, you will be able to split the costs of the sale.  In the event you do a buy-out, you will be stuck with the entire burden of costs of sale should you choose to sell later. The Courts rarely give a credit to the person keeping the residence for potential costs of sale. Additionally, there are usually substantial points and fees required for a refinance.

Consider your cash flow.

Remember, owning a house costs money. Make sure after support, you have sufficient cash flow to maintain the residence, mortgage, property taxes, maintenance, HOA fees, etc. You don’t want to be in a situation where you are cash poor and unable to pay your bills.

Talk to a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA)

Don’t rely on your lawyer for financial advice in making the important decision of whether to keep the house. You may find that it makes perfect sense to keep it, but make sure that you receive advice to help you plan for how you will do and how you will make keeping the house part of an overall strategy for your future. Hire a financial professional to get the best advice you can.

Many of my clients do choose to keep the house in the divorce. I feel better about those clients who consider the question carefully and weigh all of the relevant information before making a choice.

Reducing Reactivity in Divorce

by | Apr 11, 2015 | Uncategorized

Sometimes a divorce or family law case can be like a perfect storm.  The fissile material of fear, hurt and anger can lead people to make terrible choices as they navigate a very difficult legal process.  This video offers tips on how to reduce reactivity in divorce to help encourage a peaceful, cost-effective and amicable divorce.

We Don’t Get Along Very Well. How Can We Possibly Mediate Our Divorce?

by | Mar 17, 2015 | Uncategorized

Conflict between the man and the woman prior to divorce mediation

Peace and harmony are not prerequisites for divorce mediation.

Some people believe that a prerequisite for consensual dispute resolution options like Divorce Mediation or Collaborative Practice is that the parties have to get along or trust each other. That is simply not the case!

A good divorce mediator or collaborative practitioner knows how to get to the heart of the issues even when there is significant conflict. We consensual dispute resolution (CDR) professionals understand that people need our services when there is a dispute to resolve. Conflict is an inherent part of dispute resolution.

CDR professionals are not afraid of conflict.

They have training to get to the heart of what is keeping you from settling. I call these “fault lines”.  A significant part of my work with couples in divorce mediation is taking the time to really listen and understand where the fault lines are and what is causing them. That way I can help.

With divorcing couples, I never just expect things to be easy. After all, you are divorcing for a reason. Surely things up until now have not been all butterflies and rainbows.

My mission is to bring humanity to legal situations to clarify the dynamics of each unique situation in a manner that reveals options for settlement, preserves the long-term interest of the family, and empowers the individual client. I have a profound ability to get into the world my clients are experiencing and feeling to uncover the necessary clarity in each divorce relationship dynamic. From there, I can use my gifts to bring a sense of calm, resolve and hope that could never be reached in adversarial litigation.

So, I take time. I listen – carefully. I try to help bridge the gaps. It’s often quite emotional. It’s only rarely easy. But, if the parties work hard to stretch to find a settlement, I can usually help.

If you are having trouble getting along, don’t let that stop you. There are few cases that must go to court. It’s my job to get you past the conflict and help you find peace for you and your family.

What?!?! How could we have been so wrong about the divorce rate?

by | Mar 12, 2015 | Uncategorized

Conflict between the man and the womanFor years I had pretty much taken it as gospel the popular statistic that 50% of all marriages end in divorce.  It seemed to fit an apocalyptic narrative, which seemed to fit to the time.  But recent evidence shows that although divorce rates increased and peaked during the 1970s and 1980s, rates have actually been declining steadily ever since.  In other words, we were dead wrong and its wrong to keep repeating it.

Read about it here and here.

Now… that doesn’t mean that people aren’t divorcing.  Fortunately for me and perhaps unfortunately for the rest of the world, my family law practice is humming right along.  I don’t seem to have a shortage of divorce cases coming through my door.  So, I still hold to this sentiment: although I may not be able to change the fact that people get divorced, I may be able to change HOW they divorce.

That’s why I offer out of court consensual dispute resolution options like mediation and Collaborative Practice.  I simply believe that helping families transition without the need for adversarial litigation makes the world just a little better and makes the lives of those going through the divorce way better.